10 Types of Faraxs To AvoidJune 5, 2007 at 7:14 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
A friend of mine forwarded me an e mail about a funny 12 types of women to avoid, which had me thinking, and inspired to write a customized version of the types of Faraxs to avoid. This is not Farax bashing, it’s all in good fun, (10 types of Farax’s to Snap Up will follow). In fact, it could be very educational for you all.
p.s.Any winging from any Farax, and I’ll send Miss Needy you way [Razz]
Usually we love an educated man, they are intelligent and ‘with’ the world. But Mr Educated has been left in a time wrap, back to an era when education was reserved for the privileged, those who could afford it and those who had the right connections (at least in the Western world we live in). He will constantly refer to 20th Century Philosophers and great Classical thinkers to try and impress you with his knowledge. His favourite past time is quoting from text books we have all at some point read or heard of at university or in general. Avoid him if you don’t want to be bored to death.
Whilst we like a man that is financially stable, Mr Rich flaunts his wealth like Mr Educated flaunts his textbook knowledge. He is driving a new car every other month and talks so loudly on one of his many mobiles about his latest business transactions that everyone within a one mile radius can hear him. He buys women perfumes, gold and other expensive and highly inappropriate gifts very early on in the relationship. He will show up late, again with expensive gifts, when a simple courtesy call would have sufficed. Typically, he is incredibly busy and assumes a gift from every location he visits will suffice for his time & attention. Mr Rich has no respect for his woman he thinks money can buy affection. Avoid him. A cat is more of a companion than Mr Rich.
As his name suggests, Mr Predictable does not have an original bone in his body to save his life, lest his DNA. He will have the same car as his friends, dress as he thinks he is expected to dress, say what he is expected to say & at the right cues, and laugh at all the appropriate jokes. He will follow other people’s advice on every decision he makes about his life. He will say what you want him to say. He will always agree with you. He will do the ‘safe’ thing. He plans his week with accurate minute detail, for example when he will have a shower and what time he will call his mother. He follows the flock. If you are expecting a spark from Mr Predictable, you will be waiting a long time, avoid him.
This man will tell you he loves you a week after he has met you. He will call you 10 times a day just to ‘hear your voice’. He will have made plans and booked out your weekends and evenings months in advance. He is usually ‘just in the same area’ on a number of suspiciously high occasions. Mr Needy has difficulty accepting NO, he doesn’t really like your friends. Mr Needy is defensive and often is short tempered, whereby a swift and prolonged apology follows. Mr Needy’s are scary men, avoid them.
This guy has taken a note pad and watched every romantic movie on earth. He will arrive with red roses, a box of chocolate (nice) and will always have an over-used and clichéd phrase ready for you. Mr Romantic still uses a curler perm on his hair and uses mouth freshener before a date. He will take you to the same routine restaurants. He will recite popular poems to you that he deems ‘romantic’. Nothing that ever comes out of Mr Romantic’s mouth is romantic; he uses the same old lines, same old ideas of what it is to be romantic. Whilst we commend him for his efforts, Mr Romantic makes you cringe, avoid him.
This Farax has realized at the tender age of 30-something that he really did not get the most out of his youth. He did not chase enough Halimos’, did not attend enough parties and was sold short by marrying his first cousin given to him by Adeer Xaji. This man has an unusually expansive knowledge about the nature of Halimos’, this alone should raise alarm bells. He leaves his wife at home and roams parties and weddings, in search of an unsuspecting young Halimo to whom he will attest his singlehood until it is too late. Once he is discovered, he will manoeuvre quickly to explain to her that he will divorce his cousin-wife for the ‘woman of his dreams’. He will feed you sob stories about how he was forced, no longer loves or shares a bed with his wife. This is a lie. Mr Married will never leave his wife, and if in the unlikely event that he does, he will only stay with you until the next young thing comes along, whereby the whole process is repeated again. Mr Marrieds are a scar on our society’s body, avoid them at all costs, and never let them get in the first word.
Mr Every Female’s Friend
Close relative of MR Romantic, Mr Every Females Friend (EFF) will have you believe that he is ‘just friends’ with every female he cuddles, kisses, hugs and spends hours on the phone with. Mr EFF will have the same smile, the same acute attention & the same look that he bestows on his girlfriend for all his female friends. With Mr EFF there is nothing sacred or reserved for the woman he loves. Avoid him if you want to avoid a life of imposed insecurity.
We love an element of mystery in our men. This guy however, takes it to the extreme. He is vague about his background, his family, his job description and so on. He is very elusive and always changes the subject when it gets slightly personal. He will call you, you will not call him. He might instruct you to meet him at far away and obscure places. You might have known him for months but still are none the wiser of who or what kind of person he is. Mr Mysterious has some serious commitment issues and possibly psychological, even James Bond has more of a history. Simply avoid him, no one has that kind of patience.
We don’t usually diss religious people, we love wadaads that are honest and faithful. This guy however, subscribes to the ideals of Mr Wadaad but falls short of them. He will lecture against clubs, mixed events and what he refers to as ‘balwad’ such as cigarettes, Shiisha and Jaad. However, you can catch him having the occasional buff of cigarette/shiisha with his friends at a questionable venue, laughing with some good looking women, presumably ‘keeping his male friends in line’ or stepping out of a car that is blasting with the latest Acon/50 cent song. He will also give you speeches about the importance of giving up one’s time, being involved in the community & caring about the Ummah when he really can be found sleeping in on weekends, nearly missing Duhur prayer. Avoid his hypocrisy.
This Farax has seriously over-subscribed into the notion of the new 21st century man. Not only does he watch The OC and Trinidy and Susannah’s how to dress show, he believes in the whole equality thing to the extend that you might as well be one of his male friends. He does not appreciate femininity. He expects his woman to go Dutch all the time. He will roam your beauty bag for the latest moisturizer and expensive lip conditioner you would rather not share. This man knows more about hair shampoos than you do. He will insist on a mini breaks during dinner so that you can both ‘freshen up’. He will fight with you for precious mirror spaces to be found in window shops, parked car side mirrors or the decorative restaurant lobby walled mirrors. He is a pain, avoid him.
Ladies, you have been warned, pursue them at your own peril.
Now I know you girls won’t like this but I have come across every one of these females, and they made me shudder, let alone a guy.
1. Miss Spoilt-Brat
As her name suggests, Miss Spoilt-Brat has been spoiled rotten. She was probably raised as a ‘daddy’s little girl’ and was the ample of her mothers eye. Miss Spoilt has unfortunately been overfed on the ‘Somali Queen/Ina Hebel’ superiority complex. Miss Spoilt-Brat naturally believes the world revolves around her; she gets very irritated when attention is focused elsewhere. She is usually the head of her friends and often bullies them. Miss Spoilt passionately believes everyone should be at her beck and call simply because she was born an adored female. Miss Spoilt doesn’t really care for anyone or anything, including you. She demands respect without earning it. This Miss will never grow up avoid her if you don’t want to baby-sit.
2. Miss Feminist
Miss Feminist goes beyond the basic principles of feminism, those of equality and fairness. She hates all men and considers extermination of the male spices a nice possibility. Miss Feminist resents the fact that women cannot reproduce without a man. She squarely lays all the worlds problems at the feet of men. Miss Feminist is always angry. Miss Feminist wishes she were you, she will not be happy until she crushes your balls, avoid her.
3. Miss Gold-digger
Miss Gold-diggers are not as obvious as they once used to be (escaping a hard life). Nowadays, Miss GDs are successful career women who have everything going for them. The first thing a Miss GD notices is the quality of your clothes, the brand of your watch and the type of car you drive all in the hope that this might reveal something to her about the balance of your account. Miss GD would spend every last penny of yours on her endless extravagances. When you talk of commitment, a £25k wedding at Four Seasons hotel flashes before her eyes, not to mention the potential of getting half your current and all your future earnings in the event of a divorce. This Halimo thinks it’s perfectly acceptable to put herself up for sale. In short, your wallet is dearer to this greedy Miss than you are, avoid her.
4. Miss Nag
Miss Nag is a miserable creature; she can often be spotted frowning. She is so pessimistic you would think she is in a permanent state of depression. Always quick to see the negative aspect off all things, she is never the one to ask for advice. She complains about her life, her work, her family and her health at any given opportunity, do not give her one. She will slowly suck the life out of you, avoid her.
5. Miss Been-Around
This Miss has no self respect. She has been around and there is a high chance that at least one of your brothers, friends, or neighbours has more than dated her. Avoid her, she simply lacks.
6. Miss Self-Hate
This Halimo hates her kind and more disturbingly herself. She hates all things Somali, from her language, her culture and her history. She takes pride in ‘not speaking Somali’. She tries her uttermost to both look and act as un-Somali as possible. She hates to be approached by Somali men, constantly referring to them as ‘jaad-addicts, losers, abusers and low lives’ in short, they are the scum of the world and not fit to polish her shoe. Do not waste your time with this poison of a person, avoid her.
7. Miss Needy/Insecure
Miss Needy is always double guessing herself, she needs constant reassurance. She will remind you of her flaws on a daily basis to the extent that you begin to see flaws where there were none before. Miss Needy will call you 10 times a day, asking where your relationship is going. She will call you when you are out with the guys just to check up on you. Miss Needy hates it when you talk to females, in fact she would prefer you not to have any female friends. Miss Needy needs constant compliments to boost her deflated ego. She will always spill your secrets to all her friends in an attempt to ‘decode’ a deeper meaning. Miss Needy is tearful and often accuses you of only being with her until the next best thing comes along. Miss Needy is draining, avoid her.
8. Miss Selfish
A sister of Miss Gold-digger, Miss Selfish will only ever do anything if there is something in it for her. Could your connections further her goals? Could your background or status aid her in any way? Would others look differently at her if she was dangling off your arm? What can she get out of you? Every word Miss Selfish utters and every action she undertakes is calculated. Miss Selfish would only surround herself with people who are going places. She has no time for friends, if she has any. You will never know if Miss Selfish really wants you for yourself, she will most likely leave you for the next best thing. Avoid her.
9. Miss Cheat
Nothing can satisfy this Miss. She is always on the lookout for more. She is forever dating two or more men at the same time, declaring her love for them equally. Miss Cheat will waste your time. She has no clue about what she wants & will most likely end up alone. Miss Cheat will make you look foolish, avoid her.
10. Miss Loud
This Miss is the only one who will fight Miss Spoilt-Brat for the centre of attention. She is rude, aggressive and very loud. Miss Loud has still got a lot to prove, even though she is past her early 20s. Miss Loud likes to be involved in every conversation, and preferably, in every argument. Miss Loud needs to prove that she is smart, that she can hold her own and that she is simply there. Tragically, Miss Loud yearns for approval from the whole world. Miss Loud will almost certainly go overboard, all the time. Avoid her, she is a headache.